14 Year Old Nonsense Keeps 18 Year Old Scared

When they were 14
He asked her out
She wasn't popular
And thought he hated her
So she turned him down
Afraid to say yes
Because she thought he would laugh
And say it was joke
Next thing she knows
His friend comes to talk to her
This friend was her crush
If he had asked
It would have been harder to say no
She still would have
Because of the same fear
It just would have been harder
The friend
Who didn't know
Or didn't care
That happened to be her crush
Said sorry about his friend
She thought he was telling her about the joke
Until he finished and said
He just got out of a relationship
And was desperate
She was ironically crushed by her crush
To hear the boy she liked
Say that she was asked out of desperation
Was too cruel
A joke she could handle
It was expected
But to hear those words
From that boys lips
Was too much to take
It wasn't expected
Not in the least
Flash forward four years later
She hasn't spoke to either boy since graduation
But still thinks about them
Still sees their faces every time someone comes too close
Every time she thinks of someone that way
Every time she thinks about why she's scared
18 years old
And still can't forget
18 years old and still scared
Scared to let let someone close
Scared that they'll laugh when she's not looking
Scared that it'll all be a joke
Scared that she'll be rebound and not truly loved
She knows she should think this way
I know should stop
But I can't
I'm too scared
I'd give anything to go back to that day
And say yes
If only not to hear him say that to me
Because that 14 year old nonsense
Keeps this 18 year old scared