Life or Death.

You say you want to die but you won't conquer that overwhelming fear of heights and
Jumping from a bridge
Or a really high building
Or into the middle of a busy London road,
Could prove useless anyway.
You'd just be in more pain than you are now
If you didn't jump right;
Didn't land right.
It would hurt.
You'd probably get the one sane caring citizen
Lending you a hand
And like a fool you take it.
Definitely not.

You say you want to die but you hate the thought of not being able to breathe normally and
Dangling from that tree in your back garden
That your family love so much
Would bring that fear to life as you
Slowly watch your life slip away
And it would ruin your family's favourite thing from home.
Your head would hurt and your neck
And would the branch hold your current weight anyway?
Perhaps not.

You say you want to die but you were never good at holding your breath anyway.
Remember that time
You got your head dunked in the school toilet and
You just couldn't not breathe.
Drowning seems to foreshadow your whole life anyway.
Cold water would freeze and
Hot water would burn.
Maybe not.

You say you want to die but you hate the sting, and you hate the mess and not being able to control something.
Cutting deep would leave a lot of mess to be cleaned up
Unless you did it in the shower
Or the bath
But you haven't got the stamina anyway.
Especially if you wimp out.
You just can not.

You say you want to die but yet you still look both ways before you cross the road.
Because you're afraid that
If you get hit
The impact might not be enough
It might not be what you need
And you would just be confined to a bed.
You can't put that guilt on someone's shoulders anyway.
Besides it would be painful
And very slow.
Maybe.

You say you want to die but your body is far too strong
To let the toxins from those tablets kill you off.
You'd just cry, sleep then vomit for twenty four hours
And be back to square one.
It's too cliché anyway and rarely works.

You say you want to die but out of all the possible ways to make it a reality,
You find a flaw
That would make doing the wrong thing
Simply go wrong.
But you want the wrong thing to go right.
You contradict.
You say you want to die and yet you live still.

Maybe you don't really want to die;
Maybe you want to be saved, really.

Or maybe you do want to die,
But you're scared you won't quite reach death.
Someone
Something
Will stop you halfway and you'll return like a naughty school child;
Dealing with the pain you were supposed to leave everybody else,
Dealing with the anger of your actions not being finalised.

You're not scared of dying, you're scared of living.
You do want to die.
You just don't want to live if it goes wrong.

You can't bear the thought of a life
That would be much worse than it is now.