Hole in My Heart
I ride down the road with my family,
enjoying the scenery, when suddenly I feel a pang
deep inside of my heart, realizing that
if things would've played out differently, you'd be here with us,
enjoying the view, commenting on your daughter's
haphazard driving, yelling at the car in front of us to speed up or get over.
I want to cry when this realization takes me back to the very day I lost you.
The gnarled car in the middle of the road, tarp already covering it.
My screams in the background, trying to reach you,
my sister. My best friend.
People think it's so easy to recover from mourning the loss of a loved one,
that within the next year, you will have moved on,
started living your life again.
But grief is anything but simple. There is no schedule, there is no pattern,
there doesn't have to be a reason, a memory, a certain feeling to cause it.
It appears, bleeds you dry, then disappears again.
I hate feeling so far away from the one woman who understood me,
the woman who would do anything in her power to assure my safety,
the woman I told my secrets to, who promised she'd never tell a soul.
Heaven gained an angel. I gained a hole in my heart.
enjoying the scenery, when suddenly I feel a pang
deep inside of my heart, realizing that
if things would've played out differently, you'd be here with us,
enjoying the view, commenting on your daughter's
haphazard driving, yelling at the car in front of us to speed up or get over.
I want to cry when this realization takes me back to the very day I lost you.
The gnarled car in the middle of the road, tarp already covering it.
My screams in the background, trying to reach you,
my sister. My best friend.
People think it's so easy to recover from mourning the loss of a loved one,
that within the next year, you will have moved on,
started living your life again.
But grief is anything but simple. There is no schedule, there is no pattern,
there doesn't have to be a reason, a memory, a certain feeling to cause it.
It appears, bleeds you dry, then disappears again.
I hate feeling so far away from the one woman who understood me,
the woman who would do anything in her power to assure my safety,
the woman I told my secrets to, who promised she'd never tell a soul.
Heaven gained an angel. I gained a hole in my heart.
♠ ♠ ♠
This is just drabble I wrote a few nights ago trying to explain to people how I feel losing my sister. She died in a car accident in November 2011, and it's still just as painful as it was when it first happened. She was more than my sister, she was my traveling partner, my karaoke buddy, my best friend. My Bobo. Rest in peace Billie Jo Gosnell.
"A perfect chapter laid to rest."