I Kissed a Boy I Didn't Like

in october

i kissed a boy i didn’t like
i kissed him because he was there

i was stupid enough to think
i was doing him the favor

in november

the night we had our first everything
he called me beautiful
and i brushed it off, why should i care?

in december

i couldn’t get enough of him
and we took each other in
never coming up for air

i memorized every inch of his body
his movements

i was so ready to spend hours
and hours
fucking him

but i could never hold his goddamn hand

in january

i stayed
but he grew tired

the little things, he let me know
and of course,
he grew on me, how could he not?

i’m still coming to terms with the fact
i no longer interest him

in february

i kissed boys i didn’t like
i kissed them because he wasn’t there