The Things I Wish That I Could Say

I wish that I could say I don't remember.
The feeling of your lips, crushing mine,
the embrace that once made me feel pure.
I wish that I could say it has all left my mind.

The touch of your hands stroking away my fears,
your breath running in sync with my own.
For some reason I can't let go,
It's like without you I'm a helpless child.

I wish that I could only remember the pain,
your cruel words and your selfish ways.
The way you'd mock me and make me feel small,
I wish that I could only hate you without feeling torn.

For so long now I have been afraid to let go,
I miss the you, that made me hope.
I look for it still in the depths of my mind,
even though I know there is no chance of reprieve.

Your hands touching her face,
Your hands holding me tight,
Your body betraying with hers,
Your body making me feel safe.
Your kiss, tainted by hers,
Your kiss, making me soar.

I'm lost and bewildered,
waiting for what I know I can't have,
if only I could remember just the bad.
Instead all I can think of is without you,
I'm no longer alive.