Try Try Try

I don't understand why I feel this way,
Live this way,
Breathe this way.
They tell me I'm crazy,
Nothing special,
I'll stay this way.
I try so hard to change.
This shouldn't be a way of life.
But I have a habit of losing myself.
I refuse help,
So they assume I'm okay.
But I test them
And test them,
To see if they care.
Little did I know,
I was losing them.
I'm so selfish.
You think that would stop me,
And it should,
But I mess everything up.
Even if it's good.
I judge people,
And hate them.
'Cause I don't think they would give me a chance.
I set my hopes to high,
And invest my emotions in every step I make,
Knowing fully well,
They are all mistakes.