Patterns.
When I grow up I want to be a seamstress
because it will be much cheaper
than having to stand here in this dressing room
staring at my reflection
and realizing that this double-digit number
is still too small
and I will have to go up a size
and so goes up the cost
of belittling myself because of something I can't help
and the fabric that is still just too tight
seems to be never-ending as it clenches around my thighs
and the humps of my hips,
not curves,
humps.
I am not a number
I am not my weight, or my height, or my pant size
but in a world where everyone listens to the statistics,
I am nothing but a number
and nothing but another stat to be put in a news article
that will end up at the bottom of the bird cage
and on the lips of every tv doctor
and on the mind of every school lunch lady
as they watch their students and think,
"let's give the fat boy two chicken strips,
and the little skinny girl four."
I always had big shoes to fill
as it comes with having big feet and wide toes and "big" bones,
but as I walk on this treadmill I can't help but look
to my left and right at all the size zeros and twos
as they smile and laugh as they listen to
their uplifting music
and I stare at the screen of this machine
and listen to the lyrics of my music that says it's okay
to not be society's version of beautiful
but beauty is in the eye of the beholder
and I must be blind because
I see none here.
We are told not to fit the pattern and the blend of society
but to be our own person and our own number
and our own patch in this quilt that blankets over our world;
she is pink polka dots and he is black zigzags,
they are purple stripes and I am yellow swirls;
but the fabric still costs, and the lesser you have the
lesser you have to pay
and it is still cheaper to be a small square,
rather than a big one.
When I grow up I want to be a seamstress
because the look on a girl's face when she fits into
her perfect prom dress is one of the most pleasing sights in this world
of numbers and price tags and patches of fabric
and while some fabric costs more than others,
more because of quality rather than quantity,
there always seems to be more choices
for those in size zeros and twos.
because it will be much cheaper
than having to stand here in this dressing room
staring at my reflection
and realizing that this double-digit number
is still too small
and I will have to go up a size
and so goes up the cost
of belittling myself because of something I can't help
and the fabric that is still just too tight
seems to be never-ending as it clenches around my thighs
and the humps of my hips,
not curves,
humps.
I am not a number
I am not my weight, or my height, or my pant size
but in a world where everyone listens to the statistics,
I am nothing but a number
and nothing but another stat to be put in a news article
that will end up at the bottom of the bird cage
and on the lips of every tv doctor
and on the mind of every school lunch lady
as they watch their students and think,
"let's give the fat boy two chicken strips,
and the little skinny girl four."
I always had big shoes to fill
as it comes with having big feet and wide toes and "big" bones,
but as I walk on this treadmill I can't help but look
to my left and right at all the size zeros and twos
as they smile and laugh as they listen to
their uplifting music
and I stare at the screen of this machine
and listen to the lyrics of my music that says it's okay
to not be society's version of beautiful
but beauty is in the eye of the beholder
and I must be blind because
I see none here.
We are told not to fit the pattern and the blend of society
but to be our own person and our own number
and our own patch in this quilt that blankets over our world;
she is pink polka dots and he is black zigzags,
they are purple stripes and I am yellow swirls;
but the fabric still costs, and the lesser you have the
lesser you have to pay
and it is still cheaper to be a small square,
rather than a big one.
When I grow up I want to be a seamstress
because the look on a girl's face when she fits into
her perfect prom dress is one of the most pleasing sights in this world
of numbers and price tags and patches of fabric
and while some fabric costs more than others,
more because of quality rather than quantity,
there always seems to be more choices
for those in size zeros and twos.