Trapped and Alone in a World Full of Strife

I'm looking at the ceiling,
Unable to sleep again.
I was trying to sober up,
Then just fell right back into sin.

Surrounded, I'm trapped
By the filth of this life.
feeling alone in this world,
I'm filled only with strife.

In this life for me,
There is nothing but doubt,
My life is barbaric,
And needs straightened out.

There are only a few friends
Who know me for me,
But I won't find redemption,
No matter how much I plea.

Oh why can I not find
That blissful ignorance?
I do not have the faith,
only belligerence.

What is the purpose, then,
Of my insignificant life?
What I endeavor to find now is
The sharpened blade of a knife.

Therefore my hope
Only lives in my dreams.
But then reality hits,
And I can only scream.

Give me something to go on
To ease this dreadful pain,
So I can live in virtue
And not need cry out in vain.

Is this all there is to
My confounded existence?
Is my life just a farce,
'Cause it's barely consistent?