Little Girls and Science Magick

When I was a kid, I became obsessed with atoms. I thought that if everything were just a bunch of atoms
then I could become a scientist and put together all of the perfect little atoms and make the perfect friend.
A little funny atom here, a hand holding atom there.
It was my first introduction to magic and it was all I could think about.
I tried so hard to figure it out. I read so many books that were too far beyond my comprehension level and when I finally gave up,
I cried. I thought I would never have that perfect friend.
What I didn't know though, was that there was something much worse than not being able to make him.
That one day, I would meet him. I would see him and think "My God. It fucking worked"!
I would be older, and I would feel much differently about my almost friend.
But he would be so far out of reach, that it wouldn't matter and I would regret the day I had never learned about magic, or science.

After that day did come, I walked everywhere for a year. I knew I had discovered something really important, but I couldn't
put my finger on it. I had to contemplate life. For now, I knew we were creators. I knew we were connected. I didn't think my friend
had been born because of my intense desire to create him, but that just maybe my thoughts
had grown limbs and reached out to him, and he felt them, loved them, and adopted them.

I see him every once in a while, and I pretend not to know him. I pretend that his thoughts are not mine, and his laugh is not familiar.
Because I have created many things, and the older I get the more responsible I am with my thoughts.