Every Time You Ask Me If I'm Ok I Put on a False Smile and Say Yes

Every time someone asks me if everything's ok
I put on this false smile
and say yes
then when they turn and walk away
I whisper ever so softly no

I find it excruciating
to let someone in
afraid they might point and stare at me
smile in my face
and laugh at me behind my back

I don't want to cry
but I can't help it
I feel so lost
so off balance

like I am screaming at the top of my lungs
but no one hears me
no one even bothers to turn around
it's like I don't exist
sometimes I wish I didn't exist

I am invisible anyways
even though I tried really hard not to be
but when I try and be myself
it seems to push people away

and I don't know what to do
how the hell do I get people to give me a chance
get to know me past my scars
and my years of unforgettable abuse

it is so exhausting
I am exhausted
drained to the very core of my body
I been trying desperately to find
a reason; just one reason to fight

but than I wake up to her constant abuse
to his verbal assault
I have no clue how or what to do
am I too far gone?
too battered?