Suck It In

I try to be pleased
With myself
Because I want to feel like I'm pretty
I try to erase
Words she said
Because I know she was jealous
That her love was clouded
I try to be happy
With myself
But I'm disappointed
With the love handles
The extra fluff
The second chin
The neck crease
The gut
I try to find inner peace
But she's in here with me
Whispering
Bad things,
Mean things,
Rude things,
Not human things,
Trying to brainwash me
With words she said
That SHE said
To me
Only me
In passing
"Suck it in"
"Stand up straight"
"Suck it in"
"Pluck your eyebrows"
"Suck it in"
"Wash your face"
"Suck it in"
No one loves an ugly (a fat) girl.
No one will love you.
That woman is long gone,
but she hasn't left.
I can’t let go.
and I can't decide
If its her voice
Or just mine
Yelling
Bad things,
Mean things,
Rude things,
Not human things,
Brainwashing me.
I try to be a big girl
by telling myself to suck it up.
But it comes out like
"Oh, just 'suck it in.'"