Evidence

The evidence was all there.

Nights spent trying to drown out the voices
in my head saying that I was worthless.
Nights spent trying to distract myself,
trying to stop the rising panic.

The evidence was all there.

I used to check the number of paracetamol
in the cupboards, wondering if it was enough
to end it. Wondering if I would do it.
Wondering how it would feel.

The evidence was all there.

There was a day when I was unwell,
when I was constantly bent double and sick.
And you took me to the doctor not knowing it was
because my body was fighting against the pills.

The evidence was all there,
so why couldn't you see it?