Soft Spoken Words
What was going through your head?
All the soft spoken words you said...
That you would calm all my fears
You'd never be the cause of my tears.
You lied right through your teeth
Told me you'd never cause me grief
But then you went and turned your back
Leaving me broken, lonely, and ready to crack.
Days went by and you picked up bad habits
Ruined and wrecked and created bad havoc
Piece by piece you tore us apart
Leaving an aching and breaking inside of my heart
Then you told us you didn't need any help
That you were happy and healthy and being yourself
Blindly and idly we ignored your ways
Thinking you'd be fine in the next few days
Instead of better, you got much worse
We realized now that you were cursed
We begged you to stop before it got bad
But you shoved us away leaving us sad
With a two pieced heart in each of your kids
You failed to see the damage you did
Hopeless and hopeless your standards became
Leaving us all scared and mad and ashamed.
Upon realizing I lost the mother I had
I spent my days living with my dad
Without a mother, it was hard you see
I begged God to show me some mercy
What was He doing? Was this part of His plan?
To shake me and break me; be as strong as I can?
The more destruction and devastation you'd make
The harder and faster I continued to break
Something changed one day, and I can't tell what
But it drove my horrors away, making that door shut
But now as you sink farther below
I seem to live and thrive and grow
Hopefully one day I'll have the strength to forgive
All the nightmares and demons you gave me to live
Even though I'm not as devastated as before
I feel whole and happy and alive once more
But there's still this sinking feeling inside
One that I can no longer hide
One of curiosity and wonder and wanting to know why
Why did you do this and let yourself die?
What made you decide to do this to your kids
All the lies and stories and tales you bid
What material thing is better than this?
Our love and support and complete bliss?
You said it made you feel young and "free to ride"
But in your eyes I saw you screaming inside
I'll never understand why you chose that over us
You have to feel loss, honestly, you must
Never will I know what was better than me
Drinking, smoking, sex, and money?
One final question, mom
One I have been wanting to ask for so long
Why can't you see
The mess you've made of me?
All the soft spoken words you said...
That you would calm all my fears
You'd never be the cause of my tears.
You lied right through your teeth
Told me you'd never cause me grief
But then you went and turned your back
Leaving me broken, lonely, and ready to crack.
Days went by and you picked up bad habits
Ruined and wrecked and created bad havoc
Piece by piece you tore us apart
Leaving an aching and breaking inside of my heart
Then you told us you didn't need any help
That you were happy and healthy and being yourself
Blindly and idly we ignored your ways
Thinking you'd be fine in the next few days
Instead of better, you got much worse
We realized now that you were cursed
We begged you to stop before it got bad
But you shoved us away leaving us sad
With a two pieced heart in each of your kids
You failed to see the damage you did
Hopeless and hopeless your standards became
Leaving us all scared and mad and ashamed.
Upon realizing I lost the mother I had
I spent my days living with my dad
Without a mother, it was hard you see
I begged God to show me some mercy
What was He doing? Was this part of His plan?
To shake me and break me; be as strong as I can?
The more destruction and devastation you'd make
The harder and faster I continued to break
Something changed one day, and I can't tell what
But it drove my horrors away, making that door shut
But now as you sink farther below
I seem to live and thrive and grow
Hopefully one day I'll have the strength to forgive
All the nightmares and demons you gave me to live
Even though I'm not as devastated as before
I feel whole and happy and alive once more
But there's still this sinking feeling inside
One that I can no longer hide
One of curiosity and wonder and wanting to know why
Why did you do this and let yourself die?
What made you decide to do this to your kids
All the lies and stories and tales you bid
What material thing is better than this?
Our love and support and complete bliss?
You said it made you feel young and "free to ride"
But in your eyes I saw you screaming inside
I'll never understand why you chose that over us
You have to feel loss, honestly, you must
Never will I know what was better than me
Drinking, smoking, sex, and money?
One final question, mom
One I have been wanting to ask for so long
Why can't you see
The mess you've made of me?