Help Me

Here I am again alone with the demons inside me, alone with my sickening thoughts. I don't understand looking at my reflection in the windows all I see is a blank stare watching me. Yet when I look into your eyes, or his eyes, or her eyes I see life I see knowledge and a whole-ness I will never have. I see the sun reflected in those eyes and their thoughts are well defined, their wishes well instructed, and their health unpolluted. I sit and watch while the whole world sleeps trying so hard to rest my head, trying so hard to think, to concentrate on this reality instead of the one in my mind. However I'm alone with these demons inside me, my thoughts are twisted and my humor ill tempered, I can not focuses and these things come out of me, running at full speed. Why am I thinking this way? Why can't I control it and put it to rest? Why am I still awake? How am I still alive?