Afraid

The fact is I'm afraid
Afraid to look into this
To solve this once and for all;
Afraid of what we'll find underneath the broken, battered girl we see
I don't know who I am
Outside of my despression
It's just been a part of me so long
That being without it is just being wrong
But I was never right to begin with
I don't know what I am
Who I am
And that scares me too;
And I'm afraid to let you in
To let you stay
It's why I keep pushing you away
I'm afraid that you'll fix me
That the challenge will be gone
That all that will be left is the shell of a girl that you could never love
Not really;
So of course I'm afraid
Change scares me
What I know is this
The ups and downs
The constant pits of depression
The black holes out of the blue
And I don't know what I'll be without it
I won't know what to do
I don't want to let go.