Ash and Rust

Am I meant to be alive?
If my lungs are filled with ash and rust
And my tears scar my arms
And stay for months
And my heart has nowhere to run
And my memories are tarnished
And my legs want to be far and gone
And am I meant to be living?
Or is this a sign; a way to say goodbye
A mash-up of meds
A pill-popping eve
Is this the very last day for me?
Or am I going to live a life?
Even if sunshine is hard to find
I know I'll be pleasantly surprised
It may not be today or soon
But the ash and rust will dissipate and you
May not be around to see me fly
A caterpillar no more, my oh my!
I'll morph into my own. . .
The best version of transformation
There could ever be
While still secretly hoping
That love isn't a lie