What Happened to Us?

What happened to us?

Touches that were once so fond and sensual are now tentative and sometimes repulsive

Eyes that once looked at you with nothing but sheer admiration now see all of your flaws and imperfections

What happened to being unable to keep our hands off of each other? Pulling the car over or slipping into your friends bathroom in the dead of night

Our roommates would complain, tell us to keep it down. But we were so infatuated, so intoxicated with each others bodies that nothing could keep us apart

Our fingers would intertwine and I would feel electricity heat up our skin, shooting up into my heart and making it beat faster than I ever thought possible

Everything you did was perfect, every noise you made was a song, ever bump in your flesh was a mountain to explore

But now I feel... different

Suddenly, I find my hands hiding my body from you, not wanting you to see what isn't yours. You grab me and I feel nothing but violation and disgust

I now take off my clothes because I pity you, and I feel that as your girlfriend it is my duty to keep you sated but in truth I would rather experience pleasure alone

Suddenly, your voice is like a bird, pecking away at my skull until I snap. With each repeated phrase my finger closes tighter onto the trigger, until my words shoot out like bullets in your face

You've done nothing wrong. You look at me with pain and understanding. You forgive me, you say, it's just who I am. It's just how I am.

You ask me if I love you and I say of course. I do. But why is it that being around you is suddenly so difficult? And yet when you leave there is a hole in my chest; I ache for you.

I find my eyes roaming, and I know yours do too. I think of what others would be like, if they're passionate lovers. If they could touch me and make me feel something not repulsive

Disgust with myself. I feel dirty, unclean. Not me. Being with you used to feel so right but now it's just so, so wrong. My insides clench and I say things to make you finish your task quicker, so you can roll over and go to sleep

You made me clean the splooge off your belly and I hold back a gag, wiping the goopy liquid from the black coarse hairs leading down to your shaft.

I want your touch, I want to be close to you. But as soon as your hands roam I want to teleport away.

You look at me with nothing but admiration and still I feel wrong.

You treat me like gold and yet I turn that into coal.

What happened to us? Or what happened to me?