I'm Sorry

Your wide, puppy dog eyes looking into my heart are etched in my mind.
When I try to rest my eyes, all I can see are yours.
I remember the scars on your heart and legs and arms and sense of self.
They held a mirror to my soul, but now I've gone blind.
Wandering around in a haze of impatient stares and rolled eyes.
I wanted to grow up together.
Show you the magic tricks you gifted me and listen to your puns, laughing and jingling bells to follow through the days.
I don't laugh like I used to.
Every stroke of a brush reminds me of your smile.
I can't speak a word without your voice echoing in my ears.
The only words I can gasp from my pale lips are "I'm sorry".
I'm sorry for letting you slip away.
I'm sorry for my hysterics in front of your family and your cold body.
I'm sorry I couldn't look at you laying there.
The thing is,
I couldn't have looked without climbing in beside you, following you into the clouds.
You said we were best friends, no matter what.
You were always there for me.
Why was I not there for you?
I gasp,
"I'm so sorry"