Burdened and Alone

Once again, I’m burdened with this feeling.
This feeling of being alone…
This feeling of being trapped in my own body…
Surrounded with people that I don’t really know, but I do know.
I just feel as if I’m trapped.
I can’t talk.
I don’t want this anymore.
I don’t know what I want anymore.
It’s a contradiction.
These things I do not know are opposites.
I want both.
I can’t have both…
I don’t know why I’m writing this.
A wise man had said it is funny how artistic we become when a heart is broken.
But, my heart has not been broken, it has been mended.
Though, I have no reason to have this feeling now, it’s still there.
It’s like it has never left.
Which, I don’t think it has.
It has been a shadowed reminder of how fucked up I am, how depressed one can get.
I have thought about cutting again.
I know it won’t get me anywhere.
Nor does it give me that temporary high that attention-getters say it comes with.
There’s a simple reason for it.
It gets rid of the pain.
It gets rid of this feeling that I have been hiding for so long.
I guess I just have to keep my head up, like I have been.
But, it’s getting hard, It’s getting too hard.
I feel like it’s going to happen again.
Everything that has been done last year.
Relapse…
I don’t know what to do anymore.
I’m just… Alone… In my own misery…
What am I to do?