I Can't Turn On My Phone You Might Not Have Called

I'm afraid to turn it on
I want to
But I can't
What if you haven't called?
What if there's not text?
Is it really over?
I'm sorry I realized too late
It's my fault
So why am I trying to hold on?
I missed my chance
It's gone
Never to come back
Yet why do I still have hope?
I didn't reject you
I was in a relationship!
I fucking broke it off for you!
I broke up with a sweet sweet man
Because I fell for a moody girl
As soon as you wormed your way into my heart
With saying you liked me
You ignore me
As soon as you had me
You left me
Left me with nothing!
Abso-fucking-lutely nothing!!
I thought you wanted me
I guess you changed your mind
I guess I shouldn't have changed mine
In the end it's still my fault
I broke up with him
I wanted to kiss you
I wanted you
I asked you
I changed my mind
And now I've been rejected
Now I'm alone
Afraid to turn on my cell
Not because you might have called
Or even text me
But because you might not have
I'm the bad person
I wanted someone while I was with someone
I got regected because I took so long
And now I want to him back
But I can't have him back
It's not right
To break someone then go back
Not because you want them
But because someone broke you
I want to blame you
I want to so bad
But I can't
Because even if I do
I can't have him back
I can't have you
So right now I'm staying off facebook
And my cell will stay off
Because if there's a chance you could have contacted me
And you haven't
I'd be shattered
More than I am now
Until I get over this
My cell is staying off
The wound is too fresh
I can't turn on my phone
You might not have called