Tear-Filled Salt-Water Pool

Drowning in an array of feelings.
All irrational.
Things that weren't and aren't under my control
Is it that I care too much?
Is it that I'm just too different to others that I missed out on something?
There's a hole and it's always getting bigger.
I don't understand it
I'm always feeling my feelings are wrong
But if they're my feelings, how come they're wrong?
How come they don't count, but I have to feel them?
It hurts.
I don't speak, my mouth tight shut.
I'm not focused on what's on around me, only trapped in my thoughts.
As distracted as I would be in my normal daily functions.
Yet this is a drowning sense; the distraction, painful as it needs to be.
I'm afraid.
Afraid of finding a label for myself, knowing that I have to BE something.
Am I depressed?
Am I missing out on something?
Just worrying about it sends me deeper in the abyss of my mind
The romanticism of this I have, makes me feel narcissistic.
The only feeling missing is anger.
I don't feel angry for what's causing me to feel this way.
I don't believe I'm self obsessed.
But the thought it still there.
Every thought a tear, in the pool I'm drowning in.