Find Someone With the Same Demons
Boy, I’m sorry to say that you are too fucked up for her.
This isn’t a bad thing, this isn’t a dig or a diss or anything against you.
She just won’t understand the nights where you go from 10 to -5 so fast it’s like you invented time
She won’t understand your whirlwind of words that come twisting from your tongue
Won’t understand you when you say you hate yourself and love yourself at the same time
She won’t understand you when you ask her to hide everything and anything sharp because you just might…
No, she won’t understand all of that. Sometimes 30%, maybe 70%.
She’ll kiss your forehead so softly and tell you she loves you at night but she will roll over and stay up
For hours wondering what the fuck she got into
She’s wonderful and smart and pretty and there for you.
She listens well and she remembers and she has those nice eyes and she says nice things that make you smile but,
She has never wanted to take it that far
Never thought about how high a building is
Never thought about how easy it would be to just slip away
Never thought about how much money you had in your pocket and if it would cover a razor or a rope
Never touched her wrists with anything but honeysuckle lotion and porcelain beads
Never went to bed praying she wouldn’t wake up
She’s never been that unlucky.
She’ll tell you that you are beautiful, which you are, but she won’t find the words
When she finds you on your fourth hour of standing in front of your mirror trying to find
A zipper to get yourself out of your body
She’ll try her best, but it won’t be enough
You need to stop thinking she understands you
You need to stop assuming that her depression was ever that violent
Being sunken isn’t the same as drowning
She never had water fill her lungs
And she will never be in love with you
And you may think that means the end of the world, but it doesn’t.
It doesn’t because it would have never worked out anyway.
Stop mistaking her kind words for devotion of love
Turn your back and keep your word
Find someone who knows your past
Find someone who can compare scars
Find someone who will hold you when you want to be held
Keep distance when you want to be alone
Who will look in the mirror with you and help you find the zipper on the back of your head
That gets you out of your own dark mind
Who will kiss your wrists
Find someone who will hide the sharp objects, tell you that you don’t have enough money to hurt yourself, tell you that you had enough to drink long before you even know, be there on the cold bathroom floor with you when you fuck up, won’t question or taunt .
Will love you 100% without trying to work out the math
Who won’t roll over in bed because they like falling asleep looking into your eyes
Who will fall in love with every detail of your being
From the deep pink scar on your arm, to the freckle next to your eye
To your wide grin and crinkled eyes to your breathless confessions late at night to those bags under your eyes to your bad breathe in the morning to your always moving hands, to your tears and just as you fall asleep and you’re perfectly calm and quiet like the middle of a forest.
Every fucking beautiful piece of you that you never noticed before
And even the parts of you that you hate.
They will love those the most, love them for the both of you.
Find someone with the same demons
This isn’t a bad thing, this isn’t a dig or a diss or anything against you.
She just won’t understand the nights where you go from 10 to -5 so fast it’s like you invented time
She won’t understand your whirlwind of words that come twisting from your tongue
Won’t understand you when you say you hate yourself and love yourself at the same time
She won’t understand you when you ask her to hide everything and anything sharp because you just might…
No, she won’t understand all of that. Sometimes 30%, maybe 70%.
She’ll kiss your forehead so softly and tell you she loves you at night but she will roll over and stay up
For hours wondering what the fuck she got into
She’s wonderful and smart and pretty and there for you.
She listens well and she remembers and she has those nice eyes and she says nice things that make you smile but,
She has never wanted to take it that far
Never thought about how high a building is
Never thought about how easy it would be to just slip away
Never thought about how much money you had in your pocket and if it would cover a razor or a rope
Never touched her wrists with anything but honeysuckle lotion and porcelain beads
Never went to bed praying she wouldn’t wake up
She’s never been that unlucky.
She’ll tell you that you are beautiful, which you are, but she won’t find the words
When she finds you on your fourth hour of standing in front of your mirror trying to find
A zipper to get yourself out of your body
She’ll try her best, but it won’t be enough
You need to stop thinking she understands you
You need to stop assuming that her depression was ever that violent
Being sunken isn’t the same as drowning
She never had water fill her lungs
And she will never be in love with you
And you may think that means the end of the world, but it doesn’t.
It doesn’t because it would have never worked out anyway.
Stop mistaking her kind words for devotion of love
Turn your back and keep your word
Find someone who knows your past
Find someone who can compare scars
Find someone who will hold you when you want to be held
Keep distance when you want to be alone
Who will look in the mirror with you and help you find the zipper on the back of your head
That gets you out of your own dark mind
Who will kiss your wrists
Find someone who will hide the sharp objects, tell you that you don’t have enough money to hurt yourself, tell you that you had enough to drink long before you even know, be there on the cold bathroom floor with you when you fuck up, won’t question or taunt .
Will love you 100% without trying to work out the math
Who won’t roll over in bed because they like falling asleep looking into your eyes
Who will fall in love with every detail of your being
From the deep pink scar on your arm, to the freckle next to your eye
To your wide grin and crinkled eyes to your breathless confessions late at night to those bags under your eyes to your bad breathe in the morning to your always moving hands, to your tears and just as you fall asleep and you’re perfectly calm and quiet like the middle of a forest.
Every fucking beautiful piece of you that you never noticed before
And even the parts of you that you hate.
They will love those the most, love them for the both of you.
Find someone with the same demons