I Haven't Felt Pain in a Very Long Time, and I'm Starting to Miss Its Presence

I want the burning sensation,
That runs down my throat as I take,
My fifth shot of vodka.
I want the tears pouring out of my eyes,
On a Sunday night,
Soaking my pillow.
I want that feeling of a buldge in my throat,
That you get when you try not to cry.
I want the electric feel that rushes through your bones,
When you do something you shouldn’t.
I want all a pain I can possibly get,
God, I think I might even be psychotic.
I want him to do the worst thing he could possibly do to me,
And then leave me alone.
Never speaking to me again.
I want someone to look me dead in the eye,
And tell me I never meant anything,
And that they never loved me,
With emotionless eyes and dead heart.
So that I can look at them,
And physically see my own heart breaking.
I want all the pain in the world.
And I want it all at once.