An Awful Night Amidst the Derranged

I

I'm watched by faces everywhere,
A never-ending stare;
Their eyes do see me constantly
What can these faces be?

Oh madness, you've become my guide,
Of mind locked deep inside;
You, my friend, my only light,
My guide on through this night.

I used to think myself quite sane,
A doctor ever plain,
But now I see I'm not my mind,
For it's been left behind.

But now for you, I'll here recount
The story that amounts
To how I lost my mind this night;
This melancholy night.

It started out so plain and dull-
More grey than steamer's hull-
But quickly it will sure descend,
And in this madness end.

This I write behind locked door,
For there is surely more
In here than what we seem to see,
For darkness chases me.

I know not what these specters are
That lock me behind bar,
But here I'll write on as I go
Throughout this night of woe.

II

I wander through the dreary lab,
Dressed in the plain white drab
Of doctor's coat; for I am one
Of patient's minds undone.

I see a patient screaming sin
While on his face a grin,
But in an instant he does find
The quickest change of mind.

Embracing now the glorious God,
The Catholic faith applaud—
A commonplace occurrence here,
While in this house of fear.

III

A storming night it was for me,
The clouds now raining free,
With lightning striking all around,
And thunder's hid'eous sound.

I could not sit the night away,
Yet could not simply stay;
The awful building's leave I need,
A night of rest indeed.

The storm that blows and rains o'erhead
Would quickly see me dead,
For if I tried to leave this place
The storm would grant no grace.

A pris'ner in this dreary ward,
A place forgot the Lord,
But held by not a single strap—
I'm held by thunder's clap.

The storm makes roads impassable,
The soil hardly stable;
The night I wait, the storm will pass,
So now I find a glass.

A third of rum now in my hand,
A book of ages grand;
Yet screaming from the patients still
Berates my ears to fill.

The storm still rages overhead
With screaming in my head,
I walk the halls and try to find
A room with silence lined.

The bitter screaming mixes in
The tempest's howling din;
The rain and screams merge into one,
Now louder than a gun.

Some silence here is what I seek,
For screaming makes me weak,
The agonizing shouts do bring
My ears an awful ring.

An empty cell I find ahead,
And in must be a bed,
Into the cell I walk and lay
To sleep the night away.

I pull the door just barely shut,
And silence fills here— but
This awful feeling I do get,
My mind does present fret.

A face I swear I see above,
A face of bitter love:
A woman's face- or is it man?
What madness at this plan?

The face there melts back to the wall
And I just sit appalled—
I must be tired, this I know,
So off to sleep I go.

The hours pass with dreamless sleep,
As daylight hours creep,
To fill the darkened sky with light,
Expelling this grim night.

IV

A scream I hear from very near
And I wake up in fear:
Has an inmate gotten free?
And what will come of me?

I lie for minutes terrified,
With frightened thoughts inside:
Will I die within this cell,
Or will I live on well?

Time now wasted, fear in charge
I leave the cell so large,
I grab a lamp and walk on toward
The rest of patient's ward.

I walk the bitter passageway,
With skies above so grey—
Of course my company this night
Would be a mood of fright.

Turn left and right, on through this maze
While in a frightened haze,
While searching for the sound's grim host,
This terrifying host.

A light I see ahead of me,
Could this emitter be
Held by the person whom I seek?
I feel my heart go weak.

"Sir," I call, "Reveal yourself
I simply fear your health,
I want to help you all I can,
Wherefrom have you here ran?"

"A cell, or room, I'll find for you,
Or if you're not here new;
I'll take you back to where you came,
Surroundings still the same."

At these last words the light went out;
I heard another shout—
With footsteps running ever near
I run away in fear.

V

This monster- person- evil thing-
It runs— my doom it tries to bring—
I surely can't outrun this man,
But hide from it I can.

I turn a corner, throw me in
To room with tools of sin:
The surgeon's bay this room must be,
For all the tools I see.

I close the door and throw the bolt,
And feel a sudden jolt:
Within this evil room I'm trapped,
My energy all sapped.

A silence— silence everywhere,
With only thunder there,
I hear no screams, no footsteps quick,
No things to make me sick.

My eyelids grew so heavy quick,
My stomach felt then sick—
The iron smell of blood was there,
It filled the wretched air.

I stood now up to look about
For where the smell came out:
A heart there was up on the slab
Within this gruesome lab.

I found myself then hypnotized
By this before my eyes:
This centerpiece of human kind
Did occupy my mind.

Staring now at organ dead,
Covered crimson red—
Wait there— I saw, what did I see?
The heart there gave a beat!

I jumped then back in greatest fear—
A heart alive was here!
No body was there for it— so
Where could this beating go?

Again, it beat, and beat and beat,
This source of life so sweet—
This thing did overpower me—
This horror which I see.

This awful organ beat away
As if it tried to say:
I need a purpose for my beat,
I must make life complete.

And still the awful heart beat on,
The storm yet never gone;
The blood-soaked heart upon the slab
Within this awful lab.

VI

I ran into the hall again
And heard a screaming then—
The voice from which I ran was here—
I run again in fear.

A shadow running after me
Through darkness I can't see;
A nightmare of this awful place,
Has madness granted grace?

I stop then quick— experiment
To see if my mind's bent,
And no more footsteps do I hear,
Not far, not soft, not near.

The swift pursuer disappeared,
What is it that I feared?
Where went the shadow which pursued
That shadow I elude?

I grab a lantern from a shelf
To light the way myself,
And walk on to my office where
There's surely not a scare.

Now shut and locked, the door is barred,
So nothing that has scarred
My brain this night can get at me;
Now wait for daylight free.

VII

So loud, the rain beats on and on,
Until the silent dawn,
The lightning striking overhead,
A tempest, would be said.

While I drone over paperwork
An evil thing does lurk
Within this place; I’m sure of it,
With sky by lightning lit.

The minutes stretch to hours long,
The rain a sort of song,
As it beats hard against the glass
Of window tightened fast.

A newer sound now joins the rain,
A voice so small and plain,
A voice which asks: “Where am I, dad?”
A voice that makes me sad.

But after this I’m terrified—
What had my ear just spied?
A girl I heard, but none around
Were there to make that sound.

“Who’s there?” I call, shaking now,
With sweat upon my brow,
“Show now yourself!” I there demand,
This fright I cannot stand.

I opened then the door to find
A darkness ever blind—
But down the ever silent hall,
I heard another call.

A tiny voice cried out for me,
A voice I could not see,
A voice I dared not try and find,
For fear consumed my mind.

I threw the door and locked it quick
And thought myself then sick:
These things that I can never find;
Could they be in my mind?

VIII

I treat these things day in and out,
But I’m concerned about
My job, my life, and everything
My mental health does bring.

From symptoms I can here allow
A medicine which now
Could take away these symptoms, and
Before it’s out of hand.

I run fast to the cabinet where
The medicine’s laid bare,
And take a couple of the pills,
To pray the phantoms killed.

Whilst sitting in my solitude,
The storm distinctly viewed,
I hear again the voice which might
Drive me insane this night.

It calls and calls out for its dad,
This voice still ever sad;
But I know now it’s in my head—
The pills will see it dead.

But on and on the voice does call,
While lightning brightens all,
Not rum nor book can silence this,
Oh silence, you I miss.

IX

A knocking on the door I hear—
I drop my book in fear—
Who could this be, who sends for me,
What use have they for me?

I tremble in my chair so grand
Unable now to stand,
Another knock, another call,
Another frightful call.

"Hello," I heard this little girl call out,
"I heard an awful shout;
Is there another person in
This house of dreadful sin?"

"I fell and hurt my arm outside,
The main doorbell I tried;
The desk was empty, I need aid,
Until this storm can fade."

"I hear your breath there, Doctor, please
Allow me not to freeze;
I'm all alone, there's no one here,
I need a person dear."

I could not maintain this facade,
Although this thing so odd
Did fill me with the greatest fright
On this most dark of nights.

I opened fast the door and saw
A rabbit's bloody paw
Laid on the floor before my eyes;
And then I'm paralyzed.

Where had she gone? I could not say,
What took her fast away?
What is it left this awful sight
Before my door this night?

I take the paw within my hand,
This night I cannot stand;
The fir so soft, yet thick with blood,
The mighty crimson flood.

I lay the paw back on the ground
The same place I had found,
But quickly saw the injury
That brought this limb to me.

X

As I turn back into my door
I hear a beating core;
A heart not mine, yet still I know
The heart I'm hearing go.

Back now I go to that grim lab
Wherein upon the slab
A heart beat out its lonely drum
And struck me ever dumb.

The iron scent does greet my nose
As though this grim thing knows
That I will go to it, and still
The beating I must kill.

Now open wide I flung the door
While heart inside beats more,
The pace increased, the beat surceased
Of fear of its decease.

I hold the heart within my hand
And feel the beating grand,
Its steady pace does calm me quick,
But iron makes me sick.

My mind debates the course of fates,
And if this heart now late
Should bring me ease, but bring me fear,
Should I still keep it near?

And still the heart beat on and on
Its melancholy song,
Its steady pace unwavering
As crying out it sings.

This curiosity to great
I've quickly grown to hate:
Must die, must die, it now must die,
And in a body lie.

XI

I grab a knife from out a drawer
And fear this heart much more,
The heart still beats, but soon will cease
It's time for final peace.

I lay the heart still beating on
A metal table long,
And suddenly I know at last
A way to end the past.

Above my head I hold the knife
About to end its life;
But this I can't, for its grim chant
My soul it does enchant.

And quick a pain I feel within
My chest, and heart of sin;
It matters not, for now it's gone,
More pills, and wait for dawn.

XII

With no more rum to drink away
I dread remaining stay,
With no more work and novel done,
I've nothing left for fun.

So here I sit, now writing on
These terrors until dawn
Can bring reprieve of this dark night,
Deliv'ring me from fright.

The rain, so grand, so beautiful,
Casting a dark scene full
Of madness, chaos, down below
Which We must never show.

The madness in a human's mind
Is of a certain kind
That once unlocked can never be
Returned; it must be free.

So here in this asylum grim
We lock up those on whim,
Who seem to lose their sanity,
For dang'erous they must be.

In room and room and cell and cell
We seal within this hell
All those who seem to break the line
Society defined.

Oh awful, grim, this wretched place,
I shudder at the face
Of madness, truly this I know,
But there will I now go?

From what I've seen I can't deny,
My sanity's a lie;
I must be mad, oh ever sad,
Might death here make me glad?

These thoughts, not mine, I can't admit,
Back in my large chair sit,
I grab the pills, increase the dose,
Kill these thoughts lachrymose.

XIII

No daylight have I seen, no dawn
To make the storm be gone,
So scared, alone, with nothing here
But horrors- greatest fear.

I walk again on through the halls,
Whose grim and tiled walls
Do speak the madness held within
There white, visual din.

Some food I need, for starved and parched
I am, so on I've marched
To kitchen grim, and dark, and dank—
With cabinets bare and blank.

Where's all the food that was to fill
These cupboards, crated still?
So back I go, no food for me,
A meal this will not be.

But as I walk back through the halls
A bloody sight appalls
Me-- bloody footprints there,
The footprints of a hare.

A trail of blood and little feet
Were lying there to greet
My person after I came out
The kitchen, food without.

I look and see that in the line
Of blood- a red most fine-
Three feet, only, do walk on through
The crimson blood so true.

A rabbit missing single paw—
I'm struck then quick in awe:
A rabbit's foot I saw outside
My door; oh madness tried.

I felt then quick compelled to trace
The paw prints to the place
Where I may find the rabbit gore
And fix its body poor.

I follow fast the trail of gore
With corners more and more;
Where will it find its end, or here
Will it now disappear?

Could this trail be in my mind—
No rabbit will I find?
Is this merely madness in
My mind now full of sin?

I'll follow on, still, anyway
Until the light of day
Can bring reprieve from this grim night
And wash me of my fright.

But as I follow this grim trail
I see my quest will fail:
A giant circle I have made,
Oh tricks of this abade.

A perfect circle, sanguine red,
Without a rabbit dead
At any point, this blood has made,
Its leave I now shall bade.

But there was far too much blood there,
To be a single hare;
There's far too much that ever can
Have from a rabbit ran.

Put these thoughts out from my mad head,
Lest I find my mind dead;
More pills, more pills, oh more and more
To wash away the gore.

XIV

My vision grew then quickly dim,
My pill intake has been
In far excess of what is good;
Expel these things I should.

I lose my balance, now I fear
My gruesome end is near;
For far too many pills I took—
The dosage I mistook.

I fear now more than what I've seen,
The sights of death obscene,
I wish to leave this awful night,
Or lose my mind in fright.

But in my head I quickly hear
A rhythm pounding fear
Into the center of my heart—
It beats— that hid'eous heart!

I run back to the awful lab
Wherein upon the slab
The disembodied heart does beat
And ruins life so sweet.

Again I open quick the door
And grab a knife to ever more
Silence the heart that should not be,
And bring some peace for me.

Up fast, and down, I bring the knife
And end the ghastly life
Of bloodied thing, which should not be,
Which brought such pain to me.

But as I look upon this thing,
No peace its silence brings;
The blade stands tall from out the heart,
A gruesome piece of art.

But fast— so fast, my heart does hurt,
I see a bloodied spurt
Fly from my chest, what magic this?
Shall Death bring me His bliss?

I fall then fast down to my knees,
Begging Death: "Now please
Bring peace, and solitude to me;
Let my grim soul run free."

I fall then on the ghastly floor,
With peace forevermore
About to come, release me to
A bright, Heavenly view.

My vision fades, my heart then slows,
My body seems to know
My time has come, and come at last,
And into death I've passed.