All About My Come Up

In the beginning it was like a fairytale. He told me all his secrets and I knew them very well. I supported his grind and it was kind of crazy he was always on my mind. My heart beat for him. I did adore him. I wanted to explore him. All his perfect imperfections I thought he was a blessing. But I found out all his lies and it took me by surprise when all I did was cry. I lied to my mom and my auntie Dee and from the bottom of my heart I am sorry. I disappointed you when all yall did was love me. I don’t need to waste my time on no sorry dirty guys. They only want one thing without a promise ring. I know I need to focus on my health and education and these hurdles coming at me really got me thinking. Do I want to back down and let them walk over me or open up the gates of Heaven with the golden key? Yea I always hide but why do that when God’s by my side? Sometimes I feel like I want to cry. Or fly. Away. From all the pain and the hurt that I’m feeling every day. I guess that’s the price you got to pay. All the tears they made me cry I wish they could see. They cut me deep. But I’m getting to the top and I’m never going to stop. I’m gonna be first not last and let the past be the past. There are times when the people want to cry and there are days when the pain doesn’t go away. There are hours when the children cower and when it’s time you will rise and shine. Sometimes we look in the mirror and ask why us? Then push away the good things and lose our trust. But you shouldn’t depend on anyone else but yourself and Jesus Christ. And that’s how ima live my life. I don’t know how I’m even on this stage when I’m filled with so much rage. Yall probably saying Ebony we didn’t know you felt this way but guys I feel this way every day. Yall probably saying Girl you can’t rap but I’m not rapping this is my spoken word. My spoken word inspired by the lord. I look out into the audience and see my aunt and my mom. A smile creeps upon their faces and now I’m feeling real calm. I reach my hand to my aunt and I say thank you. For teaching me life lessons the do nots and the do’s. People ask me my role model who? That beautiful woman that’s who. You make me feel better when I’m down and you brought me around. When I was going in a whole different direction. I thank you for giving me love and affection. Your life has been so mean but mom me and you? We are on the same team. And little do you know that I’m out here trying to save you when you’re out here trying to save me. I also thank you my church family. From Pastor Jarvis and Mama Angy. For patting me on the back and believing in me. I just want people to see me for me. And not look at me so bitter like I smell like what? Pee! Sorry I had to throw a joke in there before I got to the part about life’s not fair. I felt this way so many times before. But I’ve realized my life I have to adore. I’m not backing down anymore. This feeling I’m feeling is in my core. You gotta open up when God knocks on your door. There’s nothing left to lose. Is this the life you chose? Filled with violence and hatred? All the racial slurs and bullying I hate it. And I can’t take it. I get down on my knees and give Him all of me. Ask him for forgiveness but I’ll never ever leave. Yes I believe God has big plans in store for me. I finally believe in Philippians 4:13. I CAN do all things through Jesus Christ who strengthens me! Yes I believe that He sent his son to die for our sins so I thank Him for letting me pull in all these wins. He said “Ebony just trust me it’s just me and you. It’s as simple as 1+1 = 2.’’He said “Just follow in my word that’s what I want you to do. ’’ And by His word and His love ima stay true. I want yall to reach over and grab the person’s hands next to you. Look them in their eyes and tell them they’re beautiful. We are all family and some of yall are just like me. Everyone in here has an inch of low self esteem. I just wanna ask yall why think that? When yall got an almighty king who got your back! Just reach your hands to the sky and forget about them haters. Put God first and holla at them later. Some of yall wanna be gangsters out here tryna get this paper. Bowing down on your knees and begging to the traitor. And when you get in a pickle you breathing all hard like you just got done doing pacers. All of a sudden asking for forgiveness and saying ima be better. You in a hole so deep can’t get out of that crater. But if you try real hard believe me you’ll see. That when the time is right God will answer your testimony. You’re saying you struggling and going through downfalls. But if you stay by God’s side he’ll help through it all. There are a lot of rough things going on in my life. That’s why I’m here on this stage tryna get right. If you got any questions holla at me say wassup. I just wanted to tell yall: IM ALL ABOUT MY COME UP!