The Darkness Within
Today I found myself collapsing in the kitchen. The darkness has gripped my heart again.
I can't hear anything. I can't see anything. I can not feel anything except for the pain that now has a tight grip
on me, its claws buried in my chest.
I indulge in anything that I can, I scream atop of my lungs but yet I don't feel anything.
I feel isolated from everything around me, though I can feel the warmth of my surroundings, it does not truly reach me.
I can hear the sound of music playing in the background, it's loud enough that my head is hurting, but yet it sounds like it's a million miles away.
I used to think that I could just ignore it, to smile through the pain, but it doesn't help anymore.
I know that it'll be over soon, but it feels like infinity has me in its grasp.
I am tired.
Sometimes I wonder if I am dead.
It feels that way, but it's just like everyone around me choses to ignore the fact that I do not belong amongst the living anymore.
I wish I was stronger than this, to be able to reach out to someone, anyone, yet I sit here, waiting for something to come along to take my mind off of the darkness around me.
There are reasons I make up in my mind that would explain why this is happening to me but they never make any sense. I do not feel like there is anything wrong with me, I can not feel the imbalance of chemicals in my brain, I can not feel the gnawing inside of my chest.
I can not feel the creature inside crawling just within my skin.
But I know that they are there.
Sometimes I find myself wondering if it is the creature within, fighting to escape;
or if my body is trying to keep something out.
All I know is that I am stuck in the battlefield within, and that there is no chance of escape.
I am trapped in here with the monster, whose only goal is to devour anything resembeling a human inside.
I can't hear anything. I can't see anything. I can not feel anything except for the pain that now has a tight grip
on me, its claws buried in my chest.
I indulge in anything that I can, I scream atop of my lungs but yet I don't feel anything.
I feel isolated from everything around me, though I can feel the warmth of my surroundings, it does not truly reach me.
I can hear the sound of music playing in the background, it's loud enough that my head is hurting, but yet it sounds like it's a million miles away.
I used to think that I could just ignore it, to smile through the pain, but it doesn't help anymore.
I know that it'll be over soon, but it feels like infinity has me in its grasp.
I am tired.
Sometimes I wonder if I am dead.
It feels that way, but it's just like everyone around me choses to ignore the fact that I do not belong amongst the living anymore.
I wish I was stronger than this, to be able to reach out to someone, anyone, yet I sit here, waiting for something to come along to take my mind off of the darkness around me.
There are reasons I make up in my mind that would explain why this is happening to me but they never make any sense. I do not feel like there is anything wrong with me, I can not feel the imbalance of chemicals in my brain, I can not feel the gnawing inside of my chest.
I can not feel the creature inside crawling just within my skin.
But I know that they are there.
Sometimes I find myself wondering if it is the creature within, fighting to escape;
or if my body is trying to keep something out.
All I know is that I am stuck in the battlefield within, and that there is no chance of escape.
I am trapped in here with the monster, whose only goal is to devour anything resembeling a human inside.