Untitled.
The nights fading into day yet the sinking feeling can't seem to shake off,
like a leech on my back sucking out the life right out of my lungs as they collapse into shallow breaths.
Pressure burdens my structure and it breaks the core and I'm tired, so exhausted of picking myself up off the floor.
Gathering strength from nowhere it's a miracle I can still feel the hollow beats of my hearts slowly thumping out of time.
Disappointed that the pills didn't take effect, that the light at the end of the tunnel was just an illusion, just a freight train coming my way waiting for the collision that never quite hits hard enough to turn the light off forever.
'A pill to make me numb, a pill to make me dumb, a pill to make me anybody else but me' but only realizing that all the drugs in this world will never save me from myself.
Looking dead on upon the reflection that taunts me, pointing imperfections that haunt me,
never escaping the image that taints me, all those scars that stain my flesh each one screaming out a horror story sending flashbacks of screams and tears cascading down like a waterfall that submerged me so deep I couldn't see the sparkle of the sunlight at the surface.
Desperately yelling out to God asking why I'm still here, there's no point in trying to swim when ever fiber of my being is begging me to sink.
Whispering all my faults like a lullaby soothing me into darkness. I pray for the braveness to cut a little bit deeper, to swallow a few more, to finally grab that rope that sat mocking me, but I always fell short.
I couldn't even see death through, even the most inevitable I couldn't accomplish.
Worthless.
No good for anything.
Ugly.
Fat.
Loser.
Loner.
Freak.
Slut.
Just a joke.
All those words seemed to find some truth now, and I can see it so clearly like the sky after the clouds clear up, but then anger struck every nerve as they lit on fire in the most immaculate way.
Sending every inch of me into a frenzy.
How dare you judge me? How dare you point your finger at me? As if you were so flawless, as if you were so perfect lacking mistakes, you have no right and you never will.
Glass shattered to the floor and scarlet liquid poured down my arm from the hand that punched the mirror.
7 years of bad luck meant very little to me when I had already been through 10.
Along with the mirror I shattered the girl who I once was.
Killed the person who held me back, along with the drugs and the self harm.
Because while I was trying to kill whats on the inside I ended up hurting the outside and now enough was enough.
Born again like a phoenix from the shards of glass on the floor, I'll prove you wrong, I'll survive and I won't need you or anyone else.
I won't need your love or compassion, it's a sham anyway, but it's okay I swear it.
The sun came out and now it's a chance to start again,
today life starts now, today I'll walk away.
Today is the first day of the rest of my life.
I'll succeed and I'll never look back.
like a leech on my back sucking out the life right out of my lungs as they collapse into shallow breaths.
Pressure burdens my structure and it breaks the core and I'm tired, so exhausted of picking myself up off the floor.
Gathering strength from nowhere it's a miracle I can still feel the hollow beats of my hearts slowly thumping out of time.
Disappointed that the pills didn't take effect, that the light at the end of the tunnel was just an illusion, just a freight train coming my way waiting for the collision that never quite hits hard enough to turn the light off forever.
'A pill to make me numb, a pill to make me dumb, a pill to make me anybody else but me' but only realizing that all the drugs in this world will never save me from myself.
Looking dead on upon the reflection that taunts me, pointing imperfections that haunt me,
never escaping the image that taints me, all those scars that stain my flesh each one screaming out a horror story sending flashbacks of screams and tears cascading down like a waterfall that submerged me so deep I couldn't see the sparkle of the sunlight at the surface.
Desperately yelling out to God asking why I'm still here, there's no point in trying to swim when ever fiber of my being is begging me to sink.
Whispering all my faults like a lullaby soothing me into darkness. I pray for the braveness to cut a little bit deeper, to swallow a few more, to finally grab that rope that sat mocking me, but I always fell short.
I couldn't even see death through, even the most inevitable I couldn't accomplish.
Worthless.
No good for anything.
Ugly.
Fat.
Loser.
Loner.
Freak.
Slut.
Just a joke.
All those words seemed to find some truth now, and I can see it so clearly like the sky after the clouds clear up, but then anger struck every nerve as they lit on fire in the most immaculate way.
Sending every inch of me into a frenzy.
How dare you judge me? How dare you point your finger at me? As if you were so flawless, as if you were so perfect lacking mistakes, you have no right and you never will.
Glass shattered to the floor and scarlet liquid poured down my arm from the hand that punched the mirror.
7 years of bad luck meant very little to me when I had already been through 10.
Along with the mirror I shattered the girl who I once was.
Killed the person who held me back, along with the drugs and the self harm.
Because while I was trying to kill whats on the inside I ended up hurting the outside and now enough was enough.
Born again like a phoenix from the shards of glass on the floor, I'll prove you wrong, I'll survive and I won't need you or anyone else.
I won't need your love or compassion, it's a sham anyway, but it's okay I swear it.
The sun came out and now it's a chance to start again,
today life starts now, today I'll walk away.
Today is the first day of the rest of my life.
I'll succeed and I'll never look back.
♠ ♠ ♠
I don't usually show anyone or post anything that I write because I don't think I'm all that great and also because it's all very personal. I hope I put this in the write category I wasn't really sure where this would fit.
If you recognize some lyrics from Marilyn Manson is because i used it, I don't own that song or anything associated with him.