Sometimes

Sometimes I wonder
If I would stay,
If he would care,
And if you, my dear,
Would ever dare
Be seen standing
Near the casket over there?

Dear friends,
Dear lovers,
Dear ordinary others,
Would you dress in black
And throw petals down
Into the dirt?
Would you show your face,
Show the pain,
The hurt?

Sometimes i wonder
If anyone would care,
If I should bother
Writing this down,
Or if they're just words
Falling on deaf ears?

Dear friends,
Dear lovers,
Dear ordinary others,
Do you hear the goodbyes now
As I lie in the ground,
No longer deaf to
Words spoken long ago.

Sometimes I wonder
If you would have known,
If you would have noticed,
Would you have held me close?
And let me know
That you never wanted
Any of this,
That you wanted me to stay,
That my version of reality
Just wasn't the case?

Dear friends,
Dear lovers,
Dear ordinary others,
Did you ever see past
My little charade?
Is there any part of you
That had already
Guessed my fate?
Before the news spread,
And everything had changed.