A Poem About Him

So there's a guy
I fucking hate him.
(Not really, but I wish I did)

I hate the way he says he misses me
I hate the way he says he still loves me
I hate the way his arms wrapped perfectly around me
I hate the way he used to kiss me
I hate the way he smiled at me
I hate the flashbacks I get when he somehow finds his way into my thoughts

From the hugs to the kisses to the cuddles to the smiles to the laughs to the tears to the heartbreak

I wish I hated him, maybe then he wouldn't be on my mind as much
I hate the was I never cross his mind when he has another girl next to him
I hate the feelings he gives me
I like the old ones better
I hate the memories we have
I hate the smell of cigarettes that lingered in his room
I hate the noises we would make when we weren't even speaking
I hate the way I used to smile at the sight of him thinking "Damn, this is mine"
I thought I legitimately did something right
I hate the way I can't get him out of my mind
Go bother someone else, please
I can't have you so take your memories
All of them
The good and the bad
I hate how we haven't spoken in weeks but your words are still in my head

Like voices doctors prescribe medicine for
Can they give me something for this feeling?
Just make me forget
Can they remove the thoughts, the flashbacks, everything?
Can they disinfect my mind of you?

I still hate facial hair because of you
When I kiss a guy with it
I open my eyes and I still get really surprised that you're not the one I'm kissing

I can't stand the thought of another girl
Another girl
A prettier, smarter,
No self harm scars,
One who doesn't deal with anxiety, who you can take out,
Who doesn't deal with depression so you don't have to worry about her sleeping all day and not coming to see you,
A better girl.