PPD

'Scared' I hash tagged IG 4:30 in the morn'ng,
it was 10 passed 4:20,
that's when I found the meaning of all these feelings.

I was faded everyday, caught up in my daydreams,
then after living like a doll for so long, I came to realize how everybody popped my head off, and
I lived in their world they created around me
Snidely snickering behind my back
Flipping open the scandalous cards of the past I had thought I hid under my red heart suit.
Guess too much smoke went into my head while planning my grand escape.
You got me.

I used to get a feeling that I was the only one fake laughing.
But now looking back, I wasn't the magician that had tricked them all;
I was the jester for the courts.
Again, you guys got me.

I've been running from fake friendship
And now I've become the fakest one,
Afraid to show myself, I can't even look in the mirror.
I don't think I know who I am anymore, that's what I can't face.
Seeing my reflection, it's not about how much I changed,
I see how many flaws still stay the same.

I grow shaky when I think about the slit bleeding of my encasement by a jagged edge
It's the first drug I ever loved, but I hold my abstinence to my first addiction after a bad OD.
I got some slight symptoms from withdrawal that causes my need to be alone.

Yeah, all this smoke in a white room.
Puff, puff, passing to myself.
All I hear in this room,
is the constant screaming in my head
that sometimes I forget is all in my head,
and that's what makes me so scared.