Is It Me or Him?

Is god a dictator or a muse?
To what do we owe ourselves?
Was I inspired in my suicide?
Or was it "meant to be"?

Is god a lover or a tyrant?
To which do I pray?
A lovers guidance,
Or a tyrants demands?

Is god a friend or foe?
Do I blame god for loneliness?
Do I thank god for happiness?
Is it me or him that walks this life?