A Chemical Imbalance.

Trembling, I told you of the ugliest part of me.
A chemical imbalance in my brain,
Trapped between fear and anger, suspended in sadness.
stuck like a record, repeat, repeat, repeat.

You held my hand, promising sanctuary.
We had a plan, we’d stick together.

You were true to your word,
always at the ready.
The simplest actions were the best.
when you brushed my hair, or bought the exact right color of socks to match my gloves.

But when the dog outside wouldn’t stop barking,
I couldn’t concentrate on my counting.
Repeat, repeat, repeat.
Starting over and over until the anger took reign,
I broke your favorite cup,
Maybe the scattered pieces could bring peace to my thoughts.
You weren’t so understanding.

I began to cry,
until you smiled and showed me our new plastic set.

You made feather light promises to soothe my soul in the aftermath of a crippling nightmare.
but, while I was trembling, my glistening sweat covered hand out reached for your familiar warmth.
You weren’t there.

I began to cry,
until you handed me a warm cup of tea, telling me stories until I could close my eyes and sleep.

When I refused the puke yellow pills because they made my throat scratchy.
My behavior became erratic.
I told the neighbors you were trying to poison me.
You walked away.

I began to cry,
Until you came back with our photos and explained to me it was simply a chemical imbalance.

When my wrists were bleeding, my eyes fluttering,
I felt your tears drip into my heart.
Sobbing, you proclaimed you were scared.

you began to cry,
until I touched your cheek and whispered,
I love you.