Ruler

Under my roommates blanket you hold my hand
I think, “this is a good start.”
You paint a picture over my knuckles with your fingertips
I see mountains which remind me of snow, and
I think, “how cozy it would be to sit here drinking coffee with you.”

You squeeze my hand one last time and pull yours away
I assume it’s because we are both sweaty hand-holders
You rest your hand between my legs, and
I think, “he must want to feel close to me.”

You paint a picture on the inside of my thigh, but
This canvas is much larger
Your fingertips stretch as far inward as you can go, and
I nudge you because the blanket is moving and people might see
You say, “it’s time for bed. Come upstairs with me for a minute?”
And I do
And I know I will be up there for more than a minute

And when it’s over
I think, “ we can’t let that happen again.”
I tell you that and you nod and agree
I think, “he’s always been so understanding.”

And then it happens again because
You think one beautiful picture drawn on the inside of my thigh
Is all it takes for me to climb into your bed
As if one good fuck is all it takes for me to keep coming back for more
And you know you only have to show affection right before you get laid
Because anything before or after is like volunteer work and
You want a reward for being so fucking good looking
I think, “this hurts.”