My Anxiety

I can’t do this
I can’t breathe
My body won’t let me exhale
I just keep gasping for air
I can’t control myself
I can’t stop crying—
Won’t stop crying
And I don’t know why

It’s eating me alive
My thoughts are swirling, twirling.
My brain is on a rollercoaster
And my heart – by body is suffering the consequences.

Why can’t I breathe?
Why can’t I think?
But then, why can’t I stop thinking,
All at the same time?

I exhale – finally
And then I’m hyperventilating.
My breath just keeps coming out
Faster and faster
Until I crash

When I crash is when I hate myself the most,
When my thoughts start slowing.
But those goddamn mutant butterflies,
Won’t stop barreling into the walls of my stomach
Pleading for an escape
Begging to be released
BUT I DON’T KNOW HOW

I need a distraction,
Something, anything
Anything to make these angry hurdling thoughts go away

Finally

The mutant butterflies have landed at the bottom of my stomach
They’re still flapping their wings but I’m okay.
I’m okay, I’m okay, I’m okay, I’m okay
My mantra