My Best "I'll Never Know"

I still think about you once in a while and from time to time
When my perspective skews and this shitty world looks brighter,
When I feel like I could finally face it all with you.
Do you feel it when you cross my mind?
Does it burn like all those times I broke your little heart?
Oh baby girl, gorgeous girl,
Sweet, fragile girl I tore to pieces trying to find myself -
Please tell me it still aches down deep in your soul.
I'm the monster that taught you how to hate,
That the world is an awful place,
By ripping open your chest not once but thrice
And crawling back from my rejections each time.
And in finally stealing a kiss, you told me no more -
You've never done anything more right.
"I'm sorry" is just not good enough for you
Mon cherie, ma petit fleur -
Did I ever tell you how much you mean to me?
We were so young back then
When life threw me under the bus and I took you with me;
Would it matter if I lied and said I was together now?
What if I told you the truth about what happened,
If I told you I'm only this mess of a woman because of one man
Who stole my youth and my innocence and made me into a
Writhing puddle of contradictions and fucking loathing,
Cutting open old scars again and again and again
For mere material
Because it's all I can do to hold onto my sanity,
Or what little I have left.
Oh, I wish you'd know how much I loved you.
As twisted as it sounds, seven years or so on from that single kiss
I never forgot you,
Through all of the darkness that makes up my life,
The days I piss away dwelling on the things I've done
And all the stupid regrets I'll take with me to the grave -
However soon I may see it.
Yes, I still think about you even now, after all these years,
When the only interaction we've had is meaningless conversations on the screen
And I've held your face in my hands one fleeting time.
The taste of your soft lips haunts my mouth on occasion
And it still kills me that I hurt you so.
I hope you never feel loneliness like I do -
I hope you never hurt like I hurt you.
But most of all, I hope you still burn at the thought of me,
Because I burn at the thought of you.