Desperation Hour

Night time, or for me, the desperation hour.
My depression and anxiety stick to a strict schedule.
Most days I'm fairly well. Night times are never so.
I know I'm a bit off. That's partly why I drink and use.
I don't trust the doctors and I don't trust the meds.
That's part of my condition, I'm fucking crazy.
I live in delusion, hoping things will get better,
Solely because I desperately want them to.
Wow. That is fucked off. Worst of all I see
The future, at least mine. I know the way things
Are, I will end up
1. Dead of suicide
2. Dead of overdose
3. Dead of car wreck while drunk
4. In prison for life on account of more DWIs
Back to my fucked thinking. I am content with this path.
Try explaining those life choices to your family.
I know better than anyone that things absolutely
Need to change, yet I am unwilling to change.
I stand in cold rain to feel miserable and alive.
That is how I live my life.