Shattered Glass
I remember the impact...
I remember the force
I remember the fear
I remember the crash
As the tears stream down my face
I don't think to look twice
I think... it's been two months
Why am I not over him?
Why can't I find happiness?
My life is nothing...
So what if I'm not here...?
I think of him when my life flashes before my eyes
My thoughts shuffle in that one split second
I see the lights
I hear the horn
I see the car
And then glass...
The shock
The force
The impact
They never tell you how scary it is
The pain
The worry
The devastation
Is worse than the physical pain
Crawling out of the passenger side
I see the mess that he has created
Shattered glass
Smoke
Pain
I scream as i lie on the hood of my impala
Everyone starts asking questions, but I can't hear a word they say
I just think...
He did this to me
It was him that I saw in the destruction
The glass was my heart
Shattered in pieces
The smoke was the pain
That continued to linger
The crash was my life...
The adrenaline is rushing through
The only pain i feel is on the inside
I lost him
And now I lost my car
The words crazy, obsessive, and psycho repeat through my mind
That's what he called me
Freaky, clingy, and dramatic
The words pierced through my heart
Strapped to a board, I am told to hush
The paramedic tells me to "get over it"
The cruelty goes through me like a knife
And I cannot move a muscle
I don't move for 3 hours
The neck brace restricts me
My father sees me and harshly speaks to me
"You aren't careful. Why were you driving at night? What were you thinking?"
The tone of his voice made the tears come back
I wanted my daddy
Not the monster he becomes on a frequent basis
But the monster was what I had for the next 5 months
They told me, the car could be replaced
But I couldn't be
I wished that car would have hit me harder
But the only thing it killed was my spirit and my car that I loved
Life without the car
Was like life without freedom
Daddy bitched at me for having to drive me everywhere
The bullying never ended
The bullying is what caused the wreck in the first place
I was not the person driving the car
It was my alter ego, and my pain that was driving
My alter ego didn't care what happened to me
I just couldn't believe what my life had become
How could someone live with themselves knowing that they hurt me that much?
The impact replayed through my mind
Time after time
I saw the crash in my head
And I saw all the problems that my wreck had caused
I lost my job
I lost money
I lost my freedom
I lost my independence
I lost my dignity
But I didn't lose my bullies
The bullying picked back up about a month after the car was replaced
I was anything but mean to the girl
That car was the basis of our relationship
Because I took her everywhere she needed to go
She treated me like shit everyday
Bossing me around
Making me feel worthless
Screaming at me...
It only got worse
When the cyberbullying started, my mind began to shift
I think, how can someone be this cruel?
I decided to finally confront her.
On my way to do so, I thought,
Why am I the target?
What did I do to deser-
And then... deja vu.
I look this time.
Both ways.
My eyes were focused.
But my mind was not with me.
The giant truck destroyed the car in one second.
My seat shifted to the middle of the car
The gear shift was pushed into the dashboard
And I was stuck
This time, the pain was much more severe
I couldn't move my legs
Glass was everywhere
Shattered...
Much like my life
So many people rush to my car
All talking at me
"Who can we call? What's your name? Your mom won't answer. Who else can we call? Where is your mom?"
The same questions were repeated over and over and over until I just screamed
"STOP IT. STOP TALKING AT ME. I WANT MY MOM. I NEED MY MAMA. JUST SHUT UP!"
I was in tears
I could feel the glass slicing through my skin
I knew that crawling out of the car would not be an option this time
Seeing the door be ripped off of my car ...
That represented my heart being ripped out of my chest
The car was a symbol of my life
Destroyed. Once again.
A broken back.
Cuts.
Bruises.
Scratches.
I know that all of that will go away...
But I'm running out of cars.
Running out of time...
But I can't run out of the bullies or the scars..
I remember the force
I remember the fear
I remember the crash
As the tears stream down my face
I don't think to look twice
I think... it's been two months
Why am I not over him?
Why can't I find happiness?
My life is nothing...
So what if I'm not here...?
I think of him when my life flashes before my eyes
My thoughts shuffle in that one split second
I see the lights
I hear the horn
I see the car
And then glass...
The shock
The force
The impact
They never tell you how scary it is
The pain
The worry
The devastation
Is worse than the physical pain
Crawling out of the passenger side
I see the mess that he has created
Shattered glass
Smoke
Pain
I scream as i lie on the hood of my impala
Everyone starts asking questions, but I can't hear a word they say
I just think...
He did this to me
It was him that I saw in the destruction
The glass was my heart
Shattered in pieces
The smoke was the pain
That continued to linger
The crash was my life...
The adrenaline is rushing through
The only pain i feel is on the inside
I lost him
And now I lost my car
The words crazy, obsessive, and psycho repeat through my mind
That's what he called me
Freaky, clingy, and dramatic
The words pierced through my heart
Strapped to a board, I am told to hush
The paramedic tells me to "get over it"
The cruelty goes through me like a knife
And I cannot move a muscle
I don't move for 3 hours
The neck brace restricts me
My father sees me and harshly speaks to me
"You aren't careful. Why were you driving at night? What were you thinking?"
The tone of his voice made the tears come back
I wanted my daddy
Not the monster he becomes on a frequent basis
But the monster was what I had for the next 5 months
They told me, the car could be replaced
But I couldn't be
I wished that car would have hit me harder
But the only thing it killed was my spirit and my car that I loved
Life without the car
Was like life without freedom
Daddy bitched at me for having to drive me everywhere
The bullying never ended
The bullying is what caused the wreck in the first place
I was not the person driving the car
It was my alter ego, and my pain that was driving
My alter ego didn't care what happened to me
I just couldn't believe what my life had become
How could someone live with themselves knowing that they hurt me that much?
The impact replayed through my mind
Time after time
I saw the crash in my head
And I saw all the problems that my wreck had caused
I lost my job
I lost money
I lost my freedom
I lost my independence
I lost my dignity
But I didn't lose my bullies
The bullying picked back up about a month after the car was replaced
I was anything but mean to the girl
That car was the basis of our relationship
Because I took her everywhere she needed to go
She treated me like shit everyday
Bossing me around
Making me feel worthless
Screaming at me...
It only got worse
When the cyberbullying started, my mind began to shift
I think, how can someone be this cruel?
I decided to finally confront her.
On my way to do so, I thought,
Why am I the target?
What did I do to deser-
And then... deja vu.
I look this time.
Both ways.
My eyes were focused.
But my mind was not with me.
The giant truck destroyed the car in one second.
My seat shifted to the middle of the car
The gear shift was pushed into the dashboard
And I was stuck
This time, the pain was much more severe
I couldn't move my legs
Glass was everywhere
Shattered...
Much like my life
So many people rush to my car
All talking at me
"Who can we call? What's your name? Your mom won't answer. Who else can we call? Where is your mom?"
The same questions were repeated over and over and over until I just screamed
"STOP IT. STOP TALKING AT ME. I WANT MY MOM. I NEED MY MAMA. JUST SHUT UP!"
I was in tears
I could feel the glass slicing through my skin
I knew that crawling out of the car would not be an option this time
Seeing the door be ripped off of my car ...
That represented my heart being ripped out of my chest
The car was a symbol of my life
Destroyed. Once again.
A broken back.
Cuts.
Bruises.
Scratches.
I know that all of that will go away...
But I'm running out of cars.
Running out of time...
But I can't run out of the bullies or the scars..