Burning.
When I first met you, I longed to be the cigarette pressed between your lips.
I'd steal glances when you took each drag, watching the swirls of sweet smoke consume you with nicotine, crawling through your lungs and destroying every inch of them but leaving you more and more addicted with each cloudy inhale.
I wanted to be your addiction. I wanted to be the thing you couldn't help but come back to time and time again. I didn't even know you and yet I wanted you. Every last atom of your being, I wanted.
Sometimes I ask myself what I ever saw in you, why I even wanted you so badly in the first place. I don't get many answers, I'm hard to reason with. But I believe it was your eyes, the kind of green you only saw in the finest of marijuana and I still haven't come down from your high.
But after a while, I had to stop looking. Because you only had eyes for her, and all I wanted was to be the center of your attention, like the black hole in the center of our galaxy.
At night when I'm alone in my bed, you invade my memory like maggots devouring dead flesh; eating away all of my thoughts and only leaving evidence of your destruction behind. You take over my senses until I'm nothing, just a shell of who I was days before. You're like a ghost, your body disappearing into mine and seconds later, you're pushing my heart out my throat. But it gets stuck; leaving that familiar, choking lump that I often get when dealing with you. You look right through me, as if I were just another window in your third story home and you know I'm afraid of heights. I vomit, but all that comes up is my still-beating heart. I told you it would happen, but you didn't listen. You just pick up my heart and leave me there on the floor, drowning in my own tears and shame, feeling hollow and alone.
You buried the old you, but the emotions and memories clawed their way to the surface, escaping and tucking themselves beneath your pillow, waiting until you're as low as I am to crawl inside and steal precious things; everything you hold close.
You're deceiving, an expert liar, twisting stories to fit what I want to hear, all the while the truth lies just beneath the dirt under your nails. How could I be the blind one, when I saw the end before we even began? You make me sick, my stomach churning at the thought of you. You taste sweet on my lips, but bitter on my tongue, just like a fucking cigarette.
I used to believe I loved you... the feeling evades me now. But in a blur of people, you're the only face clear.
You smile at me, and your teeth grow pointed. Your pupils turn to slits and the sky darkens. I realize I've come too far, I need to escape. I need to get away, but my shoes are missing and my head is spinning. The tricks you've pulled on me have been revealed, the second I turn my back you'll be out of sight...
I can't remember the last time I forgot about you. The demons you keep hidden have been gnawing at the locks, and I'm afraid I won't escape in time.
I saw you the other day, for the first time in two weeks. You looked different, like someone had just scraped you up off the floor of a piercing parlor. Your hair was perfectly disheveled and those marvelous green eyes I once knew were glassy and red.
It's funny how you pretend we were never something. You ignore the memories of me like I ignore the memories of you. Were we ever something? I don't know anymore. We came together and we fell apart, before we even had lifelines or heartstrings to tie us to each other. I like to think that we held the stars in our hands, holding on for dear life but letting everything around us crash to the floor. I realize now that the only thing falling was me, and that I'm better off without you, no matter how deep this pit of denial and regret is.
I see your face in people I've never met before. I think about you in the darkest and loneliest of times in the night, your smile lights up my dreams and you scare away my demons. I'm not sure if you haunt me, or if you're just unforgettable.
I used to believe I loved you;
but you were a chain smoker,
and I was just another pack of cigarettes.
I'd steal glances when you took each drag, watching the swirls of sweet smoke consume you with nicotine, crawling through your lungs and destroying every inch of them but leaving you more and more addicted with each cloudy inhale.
I wanted to be your addiction. I wanted to be the thing you couldn't help but come back to time and time again. I didn't even know you and yet I wanted you. Every last atom of your being, I wanted.
Sometimes I ask myself what I ever saw in you, why I even wanted you so badly in the first place. I don't get many answers, I'm hard to reason with. But I believe it was your eyes, the kind of green you only saw in the finest of marijuana and I still haven't come down from your high.
But after a while, I had to stop looking. Because you only had eyes for her, and all I wanted was to be the center of your attention, like the black hole in the center of our galaxy.
At night when I'm alone in my bed, you invade my memory like maggots devouring dead flesh; eating away all of my thoughts and only leaving evidence of your destruction behind. You take over my senses until I'm nothing, just a shell of who I was days before. You're like a ghost, your body disappearing into mine and seconds later, you're pushing my heart out my throat. But it gets stuck; leaving that familiar, choking lump that I often get when dealing with you. You look right through me, as if I were just another window in your third story home and you know I'm afraid of heights. I vomit, but all that comes up is my still-beating heart. I told you it would happen, but you didn't listen. You just pick up my heart and leave me there on the floor, drowning in my own tears and shame, feeling hollow and alone.
You buried the old you, but the emotions and memories clawed their way to the surface, escaping and tucking themselves beneath your pillow, waiting until you're as low as I am to crawl inside and steal precious things; everything you hold close.
You're deceiving, an expert liar, twisting stories to fit what I want to hear, all the while the truth lies just beneath the dirt under your nails. How could I be the blind one, when I saw the end before we even began? You make me sick, my stomach churning at the thought of you. You taste sweet on my lips, but bitter on my tongue, just like a fucking cigarette.
I used to believe I loved you... the feeling evades me now. But in a blur of people, you're the only face clear.
You smile at me, and your teeth grow pointed. Your pupils turn to slits and the sky darkens. I realize I've come too far, I need to escape. I need to get away, but my shoes are missing and my head is spinning. The tricks you've pulled on me have been revealed, the second I turn my back you'll be out of sight...
I can't remember the last time I forgot about you. The demons you keep hidden have been gnawing at the locks, and I'm afraid I won't escape in time.
I saw you the other day, for the first time in two weeks. You looked different, like someone had just scraped you up off the floor of a piercing parlor. Your hair was perfectly disheveled and those marvelous green eyes I once knew were glassy and red.
It's funny how you pretend we were never something. You ignore the memories of me like I ignore the memories of you. Were we ever something? I don't know anymore. We came together and we fell apart, before we even had lifelines or heartstrings to tie us to each other. I like to think that we held the stars in our hands, holding on for dear life but letting everything around us crash to the floor. I realize now that the only thing falling was me, and that I'm better off without you, no matter how deep this pit of denial and regret is.
I see your face in people I've never met before. I think about you in the darkest and loneliest of times in the night, your smile lights up my dreams and you scare away my demons. I'm not sure if you haunt me, or if you're just unforgettable.
I used to believe I loved you;
but you were a chain smoker,
and I was just another pack of cigarettes.
♠ ♠ ♠
Sorry it's so long?