Mistake

I wish you understood that this wasn't your fault.
This wasn't because I didn't want you,
this wasn't because I didn't love you.
It's because I'm scared right now,
and I feel alone.
I'm scared that I'm not and never will be enough.
I'm terrified that I can't make you happy.
I thought this moment or two could help my mind from racing.
I wanted to take a breath before I drowned, before everything sunk with me.
But that moment or two is looking more like forever.
A forever I won't spend with you.
I thought I was making the right choice.
That this is what you wanted.
That this is what would give me the time I needed to catch my breath.
To grow up, to become the woman I need to be.
But pain turn to screaming,
screaming turns to tears.
And here I am, writing the same old shit,
on the same torn page,
wondering if I made the right choice,
or just one more mistake.