The Story of a Broken Girl

A story of a broken girl:

Just another girl.
Just another sad story.
Just another tear.
Just another blade.
I am no different from the rest, this story is nothing but a nightmare.
My reality is nothing like a dream.
The thoughts that run through my mind,
My fear is looming, haunting me.
I am fat.
I am ugly.
I am useless.
I am used
No one wants me.
No one loves me.
I am alone.
I am isolated
I am suffocating
In my own misery.
The self hate;
Self inflicted;
Or is it?
I walk around like a ghost, people pass by without a glance,
I'm not important.
When I cry,
I feel empty,
Then cry again because the emptiness hurts.
I've tried drugs.
Lots. Lots. Lots
Numb the pain?
Cocaine...
Make me not feel.
All the things I've
Done to feel something.

Seeing myself in the mirror?
I'm hell.
My hair. It's thinning. A fucking mess.
My fat? Wings,thighs,rolls,stretch marks.
Scars..
Scars..
Everywhere,
Picking, cutting, skin problems
Destroy me
Two fingers
Down my throat
Make me choke
Gag
Bleh.
Crying.
As my body convulsives.
As I empty my stomache.
Over.
And over.
I purge till there's nothing left
Thigh gap
Collar bone
Hips
V-line
Beauty
I hate myself for what I'm doing
I cutt to release the emotions.
They build
I hold it in.

Then I break;
Crumble;
Razor to wrist
Blood drips
Pain slips
(Phycotic mess)
Just a little deeper
Make my pulse faint
I wanna let go
Give up
Move on

Why am I doing this?
Why am I hurting myself?
Am I that horrible?
I feel like a monster
I don't know who I am
Or where I fit
Or why I'm here?
Life's to short to dread on these simple, minuscule things.
What's wrong with me?
You say I'm beautiful.
Some call me gorgeous.
What the FUCK do you see?
Fat..
Scars..
Ugly..

I'm going insane.
Another blade
Not a wrist
Thighs...
Fat thighs...
They bleed.
Dosent change a thing.
Another wound to bandage,
Another dreadful scar.
Another reason
To hate myself.
Dosent change a thing.

Loath...
I want to love
Me.
I want to see my talents.
I want to accept who I am.
I want to be able to love who I want
I want to be loved.
I want someone to care for me.

I want.
I'm so needy?
Love deprived?
Lost?
Broken?
I want to be loved,
Not wanted,
Just for sex.
I don't wanna hurt;
Or be munipulated again.
Drugs!
Give me drugs?!
I want to be numb...
Pills..
My mind in cloud nine.
Not room for a clear thought to form
So high I can't move
Can't razor myself.
I'll just lay
Staring at the ceiling.
At peace
Will this turn into enlightenment?