Leaving

You never knew how much I resented you
I never told her about those nights when I would cry
I never told him how I dealt with the pain
I didn't tell anyone about how it hurt
How it didn't just hurt, it was agony
Every second, until my mind went blank
He never knew how much I just wanted to kiss him
I never told him what I was up to, where I was
I never told her how much I loved her
I never told them about how I just wanted to leave
How I packed my bags one day and nearly left
I never told him how I really felt
How it seemed like I was loving him unconditionally 
And I was just something to occupy him
I never told her how I admired her
How I wished she'd been the person she used to be
She never knew how isolated she made me
They never knew how I fantasised about dying
I wanted to ask him to carry on kissing me
But I never did
And now he has no time for me
She's not here to see me break down 
To see me succumb to the numbness 
I don't let him see me anymore
Not after the way he treated me
It's like we're strangers now
If strangers looked at each other the way we do