Wreckage.

I refuse to listen to those
who ignore me
when I say I loved him
because he was my best friend
and not just my lover.

I'll never find another one like him
who cares about the jokes
watching cartoons on the couch
with the pipe in between us
and it was never about sex
was I too afraid?
did I ruin everything for us?
hopeful and hopeless
meaningful and meaningless
so fast and so slow
roller coaster and car crash
all at once
until the glass shattered
and my heart splintered
left all alone
at the sight of the wreckage.

"My fault, all my fault
I'm so sorry
also sorry that I'm crying
my hands are shaking
I can't help it
I might collapse
I'm so sorry
what have I done?
what do I owe you?
an explanation?
name the amount that you want
take it, take it all
I'm so sorry
empty my bank account
take my life
I'm so sorry
just please please don't tell me
that I'm a disappointment."