And I Laughed

They sit there, laughing.
He squeezes my hand,
Knowing all too well
That this joke is all too real,
But laughs anyway,
And I join in.
I watch the fake slicing motion
The other boy makes across his wrist,
Wondering if he's really that ignorant
To the world of pain
People like that,
People like me,
Feel to slice open their skin.
I feel as though I should somehow
Defend myself,
Defend those types of kids,
But I can't bring myself
To break the silent secret
I've kept all these years.
So I laugh,
And look into the eyes
Of the boy sitting next to me,
The one who knows my secret,
And laugh slightly louder,
Letting him know it's all ok,
Even if it isn't.
No one else notices.