Dreams and Dishonesty

As dream fades into reality,
I roll over unto your chest;
I will my heart to slow its race
But it doesn't heed my behest;
Because it has seen its own desire
Memories from many years before,
And though I am sure I love you,
I couldn't seem to let him go.
I couldn't forget his eyes
Or his touch
Or his taste
Or his smell,
An overall sensory experience.
And as much as I pretended otherwise,
He never faded into insignificance.

And you deserve better than this
Someone who lives out fantasies -
Seeks out memories -
And relives them in her dreams.
And all of this is hardly fair;
You shouldn't have to care
About a girl who's never There
In the ways that matter:
Emotionally,
Wholeheartedly.

So as I roll over onto your chest
With my dream fresh in my mind
And you look at me like you do -
Like you love me
Like you are mine -
I can't bring myself to smile.
Because deep down my soul aches
For his hands and his heart
But I'm lying in bed here with you
My own treachery tears me apart.

When will this nightmare end?
Yet I coerce myself to sleep;
It is my guilty pleasure;
I get to see him in my dreams.