Fate

I started slipping again,
Back down into that
Deep dark hole
I've written about so many times,
Too many times to count.
The one where words disappear
And darkness surrounds
Everyone,
Everything,
And nothing matters anymore.
The one where I can't climb out,
Even if someone tosses me a rope;
I never seem to be able to
Hang on quite tight enough.

I've tried.
No one can say that I haven't,
After the many attempts
To reach the surface,
To mingle among the others,
To laugh at their jokes,
Even at my own expense.
It worked so well
That they no longer know
I am unhappy.
I don't blame them though..
It's hard to tell
When I smile bright enough
To light up any room;
Looks can be deceiving,
And a smile is
Easy enough to practice.

And when I cry?
When I bleed?
There's only darkness in this hole,
And looks no longer matter
When no one can see the tears,
When I lie there and plead
For someone,
Anyone,
To kill me, please.
So don't mind me,
Just sitting here alone..
I've accepted my fate,
And only beg for it to end.