Blue Pages

My eyes are so clouded
and the mist seeps into my mind
colouring the pages blue,
blue,
dark blue!
waiting for tears.

I let them come willingly
alone with no one there to see
does that mean my cries don't matter?

Will I tell the people around me
make them sorry for me?
It would feel good
like watching the blood
ease and drop itself
from a cut
instead of covering it,
letting it heal.

The night feels so lonely.
Instead I will make myself happy
and encourage it in you too
so smile and laugh and talk about
things like the wind
whispering in the trees
and the sound reminding you
of when I slept on your pillow
and told you I loved you in my sleep
before I knew those were the right words to say.
You should have kept that to yourself.

When I said it next, I didn't mean it.
You were a vision.
You created this fantasy.

Now I am the heroine
sitting on the tree
and waiting for her prince to come running
but you can't run while you sleep.
Your feet drag and stumble in the dream.

So my mind turns blue
and falls deeper into blue
blue, dark blue, black.
In the dark
I can't help but see you
as forever.

I have to end the story
how?
Maybe by starting a new one.
But you are still here
writing on me
making new chapters
and I breathe
you in deeply
like a subtle intoxication
I make myself drunk on nothing.

Maybe things will change
but hope is what really kills me!
So I will just keep writing
and doing things to make us happy.