Dear God

Dear God,
If there is a God,
I've finally come to say a prayer
I know I'm not a believer
Or a pray-er
Or a Follower
But I'm on my knees, asking now
For your guidance
And maybe so much more
Everything is haywire
And I know I'm not a good person
I don't deserve my hearts desire
I don't deserve your grace
I don't deserve any of it
But I'm asking
I'm begging

I ask not for wealth
Nor beauty
Nor fame

I ask not out of anger
Nor selfishness
Nor shame

But, Dear God,
If there is a God,
Please help me fix it
Help me fix the break in my marriage
Not for me
But for the beautiful boy I made
Don't let him be raised as I was
Don't let his heart break like mine
Don't let him feel the pain
The shame
The need for acceptance
As I did,
As I do

Help his father to see that we can be a family
Help his father want that
And if I could ask for myself
Please let him love me again
Let him find out what he wants
Let him find peace in his heart
Let him have happiness
And for my own selfish nature
Please let it be with me.

Dear God,
If there is a God,
Please forgive me
Forgive my sins,
My lack of faith
And if you are there
And if you are listening
Please,
Stop letting my heart break for my son's want of his father
Please,
Stop letting my heart break for my want of my husband
Please,
Help me to fix this, and find myself.

Amen.