The Things I'll Never Tell You

I wanted to dig my fingers into your shoulders and shake you.
I wanted to scream.
More than anything, I wanted to explain it to you
How you came into my life at the worst possible time
Because karma's a vindictive bitch that way

I wanted to tell you that there once was a time
When the smile you loved so much was genuine
When it wasn't just some half-hearted mask
When the look in my eyes wasn't so shattered and broken and saturated.
When it wasn't an effort just to keep on breathing.

I wanted to convince you, to make you understand that it isn't just me and my "pessimistic life bullshit"
That I don't want to feel this way
That no, this isn't me trying to manipulate you.

You just came into my life at the worst possible time.