Regrets

And they say,"Don't regret anything because at some point it was exactly what you wanted."
But when I saw you across the hallway I thought you had a nice smile and good hair.
When I asked you to come over it was because you could make me laugh and said nice things to me.
When I stood on tiptoe to kiss you that first time, missing your mouth completely, it was because my stomach had been doing little flips as we sat motionless on the basement couch.
When we started dating it was because you were exciting to me, you were something I wasn't ready to lose.
When I told you I loved you it was because I had made so many mistakes already and it was time for me to be the one to make you smile.
When I fell in love with you, so in love and so fast and so fucking fucking hard, it was because you were the first real thing to ever happen to me.
You were exactly, what I thought, I wanted.
But I didn't ask for your jerky friends, your roaming hands every time you were blackout drunk, your inability to explain why you decided to break my heart so spontaneously, your cruel words and cold shoulder, your skill in pulling me back in just as I began to let go, and your impressive aptitude for making me feel like complete and absolute shit.
No, that was never what I wanted, no question about that.
That's the thing about advertisement, what you see isn't always what you get.
So forgive me for regretting you.