Broken Open

december 2010:
"it was not your grandfather who they were calling about, bridgette, it was your dad"

march 2011:
grieving already, this was all too much to process;
am i terrible for not being able to recall all the ways in which i missed you?

may 2011:
"we were all there when she took her last breath
and even though there was no air flow in the hospital room,
the chimes we hung in the window gave a good tinkle"

november 2012:
"you are fucking joking right?"

december 2012:
"i feel it - someone just put their arm around me,"
i whispered in the pew while tears streamed down my face

april 2015:
"i am at the hospital right now, with grandma,
and it is...it's a mess; she has cancer they said"

february 2016:
"'we have a dead body in the house',
just get the fuck home okay"

april 2016:
"we spoke with a probate lawyer and decided to file,
but do not worry because you won't get anything for four to six weeks anyways"
they said, though the papers arrived the following day

may 2016:
luke 22:21 reads "behold, the hand of the one betraying me is with mine on the table"
and i don't quite believe truer words have ever been spoken

no amount of little things can replace that which has been taken from me,
leaving me broken and cracked inside a world filled with happiness.